"If I Perish, I Perish"

Life is a strange thing. To think, we are here for an average of 75 years (give or take 20 - ish), to accomplish....what? The question so many of us have, Christian and non-Christian alike. Why am I here? What is the purpose of this life? Could it really be to simply achieve the American dream of being wealthy, successful, and retiring early only to find that there is not a whole to do? Is that really going to satisfy anyone? There must be more than this...
I am going to find that purpose for my life. One thing I know, I was created to do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine, and that is what I choose. I am taking a term off from college...not because school is too hard or too boring, but because my heart is being tugged on so hard. I have to listen to where God is calling me, and while I don't clearly know where that is, I do know it's not in school for the time being. The calling the Lord places on our lives rarely makes sense to us in the moment...this calling goes against everything I know and everything the world deems as good and wise. But God uses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise. Like a young queen once did for her people...coming into the kings presence without being called (which means death unless the king has favor on her) to plead with him for her life and the life of her people. God had a calling for her. She could choose to ignore it, choose to let God use someone else to accomplish His plan, but He called her and she answered. She simply said Ok Lord and "if I perish, I perish." Granted, my life is not on the line the same way hers was, but nonetheless, God is calling and it is up to me to answer or not. So here I stand, weak, with my mind questioning, and my heart being tugged. I choose now to fall to my knees, weak, broken, scared, and so dependent on Him...simply to say "Yes Lord, and 'if I perish, I perish.'"