There Is Something To Be Said

There is something to be said for a desire to know; to know God, to know His purpose, to know love, to know yourself. Will we ever fully know? Will there ever be a true understanding of the things most powerful in this world; those very things whose power we have undermined the most? I find that when things get too hard to figure out, when I can't grasp or control the things that tend to have the greatest impact on my life, I down play them. I put God in a box, I follow the model of life set by the world, I fore go love, and I define myself by the most superficial facts that don't actually depict who I am as a person.

I want so badly to step out of this mold. I want to live a life dependent on God. I want to not know what my life will bring but know that my purpose awaits me daily and that for that day, that is all I need to know. I want to love more deeply and passionately than anyone has known; "greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." And to know oneself. This I hope never to fully accomplish. I hope to always be changing and always growing; to have to get to know myself over again with each day I live because I simply can't stay the same person when God teaches me more. -

This kind of life will most certainly break the mold. It will be foolish to those who do not choose to follow Christ. Yet, sadly it will also be foolish to many of those who do. Have we become so numb to our routine and comfortable lifestyles that we have forgotten that living for Christ requires sacrifice; that it requires uncertainty, lack of control, and, yes, sometimes pain? Have we forgotten that this is not the life God has for us; that we are not living for this world, but the next? I am scared of forgetting. I'm scared that I will take the easy way out because it seems the most "logical". I am scared that I will miss knowing God; that I will miss His purpose, and that I will miss love. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to miss any of it. This life is so good at pulling at us from all directions. It says we have to get a degree, have nice things and lots of them, and it says that without money or the perfect body we will never be happy. Life wants to tell you you're foolish and that what you feel in your heart is not from God; that God wouldn't ask for crazy things, because asking for the life of His own Son is totally different than asking you to take time off school, go to another country, give more than your budget says you can, or to go without health insurance...right? He would never request such crazy things from His children...right?
When God calls, I don't want to put Him on the back burner because His call doesn't fit into my plans, or because it requires more than we Americans are used to giving up. There is something to be said for a desire to know - to know God, to know His purpose, to really know love, and to know yourself - and that is this, persevere, "do not be foolish [(in God's eyes)] but understand what the Lord's will is," "fix [your] eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal," "fight the good fight of faith," and finally, "press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has called [you] heavenward in Christ Jesus."